To whom it may concern.
Who needs a supermarket?
Taking away playgrounds, eliminating activities for old people, taking out the trails for teen bikers and adult runners from the traditional “Juarez Park” is not a good idea. Actually, instead of building a Supermarket in the parks’ area, it will be a better idea to plant more trees and support the activities for children.
Since 2006, the “Instituto de Apoyo a los Adultos” has been offering many programs for adults, such as: dancing classes, cooking, literature, history, music etc; also the “ Insituto para el Desarrollo de los Jovenes” has been using the Park to perform plays and workshops.
Sports activities that take place there are very good ways to keep drugs away from people of any age. In general, they go often to that park to do many activities and spend some time there. They enjoy plenty visiting the park because they say it is very safe and peaceful.
I wrote these lines just to give you a picture of the importance of the “Juarez Park”. My neighbors and I signed this letter as a request for not to build a supermarket in the park area at all.
Sincerely
Aaraón Díaz
Score=13
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Hi Aarón:
ResponderEliminarI like youe letter because you argue your ideas and theirs are real. You get to the point at the end. Just let me tell you some things, there´s a typing error and I think you miss a coma in the part of "sport activities that take place there are ..." and perhaps you can find a way to avoid writing "park" too many times.
May be, if it´d be a real letter you could propose a better solution
great work!
Hello Aaraón: I think your letter is well structured, maybe at the beginning you could start in other way in order to greet the person is going to read the letter because it's a formal one, anyway you really explain why there hasn't to be a supermarket! in that place.
ResponderEliminarHi Araon:
ResponderEliminarI read your letter, and I think it's ok, but may be you can argue why the supermarket is not a good idea, well I mean, you explain tha acitivities that people do on te park but you don´t talk about the consequences the supermarket will bring. but I think your letter is good!! good luck bye.
Hi Aaron!!! Well job with your letter, I think is really clear and focus in all the points you present, my only suggestion could be that maybe you could make a better introduction because I think is a little rude just go directly with the arguments. I like it!
ResponderEliminarHey Aaraón.
ResponderEliminarIn my opinion I think you did a good job in stipulating why the park is important for the comunity and shouldn't be destroyed.
I just think that you shouldn't specify age when you talk about the activities that are done at the park:
"...for teen bikers and adult runners.."
Besides that I thinks it's ok.
Hi Aarón:
ResponderEliminarI think the letter is fine, direct, just the way it is supposed to be. Also the subject is really important, because we have to do whatever we can to keep aor habitats intact.
Hi Aaraón!
ResponderEliminarI think your work is well structured, with most of the ideas well-organized. I think you explain well why the supermarket is not definetely a good idea, but maybe the supermarket could turn out in a real need. Perhaps would it be a good idea propose another place where the supermarket could be, by not ruining special areas, as the park you are talking to.
Hi Aaraón:
ResponderEliminarIn my opinion, you give great arguments of why they shouldn´t built a supermarket in the park, but I think you miss an introduction, which could give the context, insted of jump straight to the question.
It´s a good work!
I think it´s a good letter, because it´s good structured, and the point of view you gave are ok, but I think you could give a better introducction.
ResponderEliminarHi Aaraón:
ResponderEliminarI think that is a good letter because it's well structured and you never lose the main idea. Also, you argue and contextualized the problem, but I suggest you to start the letter in other way, because you start with the arguments without an introduction. But good job!
Hi Aaraón,
ResponderEliminarI liked your letter, despite some errors in the mechanic's area, I think it's very good. I don't agree with you in the score you wrote, I think you deserve more.
You developed very good arguments for having the park instead of a supermarket, and it is clear and well structured.
Hi Aaraón
ResponderEliminarI like your letter it's fine, it has a good structure of ideas, the only thing is that maybe you can use another introduction because the way you wrote it, I think it`s a little rude.
Hello Aaraón!!!!
ResponderEliminarI think that your letter is good because you gave good examples to preserve the park, I would add more information of why the park is attempt because you wrote a short conclution that change the sequence of the letter.
Hey man! I think that you made a great job with your letter, and I would recommend that you add some bad things about the supermarket like the noise, the garbage or the traffic.
ResponderEliminarGreat job!
Hello Aaraón.
ResponderEliminarI think your letter is well done, it has order and a good argument, but I think the introduction is not polite, you may change it into something strong but polite.
Hello Aaraón
ResponderEliminarI think that your letter is clear, simple and well organized, but I think that the first paragraph it's a little bit rude, (considering that the porpuse of the letter is for asking a favor)besides that I liked it...
Hey Araoón:
ResponderEliminarI think its a very good description and the objectives of the letter are pretty clear, but maybe I consider you should change some words in the first paragraph, like the question you started with.
Hello Araon:
ResponderEliminarI believe that your letter is good in general, but I could a little mistake in the part that says "sports activities", I believe that it could have been better if you had wrote just "sports",
I can see that you fixed some errors that we discussed in class, and you letter looks more organized, I like it. I haven't nothing more to say, I think that is ready to be sent to whom may concern :-D .
See you...
Gabriel García
Hello Araon. I think that your letter is very well structured. From the start, you set your point at the time that you support your idea. Then, in the body of your letter you give even more reasons to support your complain. The ending shows that you will keep doing what you need to do to reach your objetive. Good job.
ResponderEliminarthe needs of the society are the most important, that is put in front to everything
ResponderEliminarHi Aaraón!
ResponderEliminarI like the letter but I think it shouldn´t be so specific about the activities and who make them because it could be tendentious. You could add more arguments to save the park. Good job!
hello Aaraon
ResponderEliminarIt's important the excersise I support your idea but maybe you need to explain more the consecuences of not considered this topic, write arguments and reforced information